mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
