Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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