READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
