I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
