I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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