this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
