peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
