the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
