Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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