Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
