Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
