Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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