Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
