If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
