Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
