the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I did not marry a roomba.
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