I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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