i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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