I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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