Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
