I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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