im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
