and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
