Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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