my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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