Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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