worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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