i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
