lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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