Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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