Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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