Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
