Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
