The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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