The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
