dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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