need another drink. this is the easiest way
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
