I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
