break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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