You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
