I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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