she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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