just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want nice things and good sex
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
