he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I queefed so loud it echoed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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