I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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