I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
