so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
