I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
