Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
