chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
