Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
