Don't you send me to vm
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
