i jhust puked up my retainher.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
