So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
