Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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