So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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