So drunk its hurt
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
