I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
