i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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