I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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