There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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