He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
