I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
