No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
