She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
