Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
