i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
