So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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