I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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