i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
