tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just google imaged poop.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
