Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
