Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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