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When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
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I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mom said you looked used
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he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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