I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
