I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
